SP's Guide To Chicago Street Fests aka How To Not Annoying Fellow Chicagoans!

Chicagoans live for Summer nights at street fests.  We have amazing neighborhoods and each has it's own unique thing to show off. I've put this handy guide together to help to make the fests more enjoyable for everyone.

1) 2 for $20 sunglasses are no deal. You'll spend $100 a summer. Buy a good pair every few years.  It's worth the investment!

2) Leave your dog at home if you can't carry it.  Big ass intimidating dogs that don't listen commonly get their leashes wrapped around people because their owners don't have the brains to realize that maybe they should have kept it at home. 

3) If you see a friend while your jammed into a crowd trying to walk don't stop walking to bullshit with them.  That's how the crowd got jammed up anyway. 

4) Girls-Hipster Guys if your purse- messenger bag won't fit in a airplane overhead leave it home. You need your cash, ID, sunscreen and cell phone for the day.

5) Yuppies wearing polos and dock shoes please don't ask someone like me for directions.  You'll never find your high fiving buddies ever again. Go back to Lakeview.

6) You'll never win the Camero..

7) Feed the Children, Greenpeace and Children International please don't call me buddy or try to shake my hand.  I'm not your buddy and you've shaken hands with 1000's of people.  Its annoying enough during the week.  I'm drinking more at a fest than I do in the loop...

8) Leave your little grab ass games that usually involve someone in your crew falling over until you leave the fest.

9) Don't buy more beer than you can carry or hold on to if you're standing still.  I got spilled on 3 times in a half hour this past weekend by a girl holding 2 beer cups in one hand.  

10) I've seen Footloose.. I know that people like to dance.  If you must dance at a fest think and look around for a moment. If you're taking up 8' around you and people are getting elbows in the face chill out a little bit.

11) Skaters/Roller-Blades/Bikers.. I saw a little girl get taken out today by some skate fucker that decided that while in a crowd of people he'd try a kickflip.  I didn't know anyone used roller-blades anymore.  Bikers.. Yea it's still your street but go around the fest.  Riding through it because you own the streets 24/7 is unsafe and makes me want to fill my Jeep up with gas more often.